Danish Furniture

July 13, 2012

“You know the Scandinavian monarchies? Think of it like that. We want a minimalist relationship with Europe. Think Danish Furniture.

We want a Diet Coke version. A skinny latte. An easyjet ticket. An IKEA flat-pack, pain, vin, boursin. You know. Just the basics.” – Louise Mensch MP


It’s like a mug of jelly. A seal biscuit. Some old mince.

We want an octopus Europe. A daring pad of A4. A biro with four different colours. Small beer in small bottles. Facts about sharks.

A cup of tea Europe with 15% milk. A gluestick with the lid left on. Lovingly restored cobbles. Flakey pastry around the edge.

Not a pinstripe Europe, bur rather a gingham check with paisley lapels. Plastic daffodils pinned to the edge. Goats cheese optional.

Those artificial ice cubes that they put round fish in a mid-range supermarket. That’s my kind of Europe. But with plastic lobsters too.

A holidays in the sun Europe, a duty free Europe, no gallic shrugs of misleading salami, a pizza oven Europe stacked with fruits de mer.

A zen Europe, a shiatsu Europe, a bring-your-own-mat hot yoga Europe, a free newspapers on the train Europe, tennis shoes, wood panelling, James Dean posters.

A warm gun Europe. E-cigarettes. Minatures of schnapps. Rustic bottle openers. Screw human rights; I’m browsing the postcard shelf.

You know, a no corkage Europe. Optional side salad. The very best of the Rolling Stones 5 CD set. Smearing factor 30 on your iPod.

House double Europe. Sniffing cocaine with a violin virtuoso Europe. An acoustic Europe. One gold star and the deep blue sea. Wickerwork donkey figurines spattered in bull’s blood.

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