Why falling in love is like the global financial crisis

October 25, 2011

I’ve recently finished reading Will Hutton’s new book, Them and Us, and I think I wrote this in the midst of a macroeconomic reverie. As with pretty much everything else I write, it’s a true story.


Why falling in love is like the global financial crisis


In some ways its not

This isn’t eyes meeting across the stock exchange floor

A bull and a bear pulling in opposite directions

Coloured jackets thrown aside

As the stock ticker squeals and spills the beans


This is trapping the head of the Bank of England

In an office at number eleven

And making him eat curry

Until inflation is pegged


This is murders and executions

This is sell, sell, sell

This is the gold standard

Triple A rating

A jab in the ribs with a rolled up copy of the Financial Times

It’s teetering on windowsills

Looking at the bottom line


It’s not a cautious editorial in the Observer

Urging enquiry, regulation, a pause

Or Vince Cable nodding

And muttering

I told you so


This is a proper run on the banks

We’re using wheelbarrows for currency

Million pound note

Crumpled in my back pocket


The stimulus is fiscal!

The easing is quantitative!

This is the G20, baby

The world’s stage

It’s neo-endogenous growth theory

A sublime sub-prime


And if things go wrong we’ll go to Geneva

Hole up in a vault with a golden retriever

Or take it easy on an off-shore haven

Just us – in a hut – with my little pet raven


We’re rogue trading

We’re short selling

No depression


And bust

Crashing out of the ERM

And face to face with the hard ECU


Galbraith is alright

And Friedman is grand

But beware Adam Smith

And his invisible hand

Picasso Portillo

I’ve been there as well

Met Keynes in an alley

And sure gave him hell


There’s a rumour in the market

Hushed whispers

On the shop floor

Recapitalising’s a bit shakey this morning

And the Telegraph’s on the phone

Hammer blows from the green benches

Capital calls

This is too big to fail

We were in freefall

Stagflation beckons

A million workers shouting our names

The last chance saloon

Pick a card

Any card


Didn’t stand a chance


Black Sunday

The stockmarkets were falling around us

Green-on-black warnings

Mutely blink on screens

A hundred and twenty five percent of property

Shuddered from wall to wall

Ashen faced fax machine

Heralds the end of the yen

Wall street groans on the radio

We sat

In the leather embrace of the sofa

And waited for the ceiling to fall in


One Response to “Why falling in love is like the global financial crisis”

  1. I thought I was looking for love, but it turns out I’ve just been craving market upheaval and a little bit of Edward Heath in my dreams. Thanks for the insight Daily Whale!

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