Rehabilitating right-wingers through the medium of dance

July 2, 2011

So I wrote this a few months ago, and I’m still not really sure what to do with it. File under doggerel, I guess. It’s mostly a bit of fun. And dedicated, of course, to lovely dancing Ann on the telly. And yes, I know that there isn’t such a word as ‘deportion’.

Rehabilitating right-wingers through the medium of dance

I’ve done the tarantella with David Mellor

Grabbed the mace with Heseltine

I’ve can-canned Cameron

Tapped shoes with Clarke

And poured my heart out to Jeremy Vine


Can’t underestimate the importance of the defence of the realm

A swirling bicycle ballet with Lord Tebbit at the helm


So we forget that you’re so fond of forcible deportion

Of ‘prison works’,

Of ‘get a job’

Of outlawing abortion


Former Home Secretary

We haven’t seen moves like that since you were last on Question Time

A sidestep here, a tiptoe back

U turn if you want to

I call it a doe-sie-do


So I’ve got my crepe soles and I’m ready to move

With steps so quick Pinochet would approve

I’ve tangoed round with Thatcher

Pay attention and you’ll learn

For when we do the pirouette

Then you’ll see the lady turn


A plethora of Tories cut shapes to pounding trance

We’re rehabilitating right-wingers through the medium of dance


In the line at the Job Centre plus

When who should leap out of a bus

Iain Duncan Smith with a cunning plan

To bring some work to the idle young man

I’m still not working, I don’t have a chance

But the Quiet Man is leading the dance

We’re cheek to cheek and slow-quick-slow

Your JSA is the first to go


Theresa May I’m ashamed to say dances twenty jitterbugs every day

William Hague though his footwork is vague performs the Charleston like it’s all the rage

George Osborne his face forlorn, dances the horn …

pipe with clogs on his feet

And as for Michael Portillo…

… You should have seen him go, go, go!


Roll up! Roll up! We’ll do the Liam Fox-trot

So much more appealing than polka with Pol Pot

So kick up your heels and dance some more

Just don’t ask them to cross the floor

They’ll dance all night if they get the chance

Rehabilitating right-wingers through the medium of dance


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